Sometimes the presence of others stifles my processes. The mere physical presence of another person, at times, practically cripples me. I may remain stagnant for minutes to hours, just anticipating their departure so that I may return to behaving as I wish, privately.
More than anything, I crave and desire personal space. Maybe the amount of space I am seeking extends beyond personal, but sometimes I am deeply bothered by having people around. I like to crawl into my shell and not be subjected to interruptions by another persons livelihood.
I see my roommate once a week - if that - yet I still react as though there is a pin in my side on the rare occasion that he returns to our shared room. Though, it is in part attributed to the (relatively) small space he and I share.
My desire for solitude once within the realm of what I call home for that time being, often leads some people to believe that I dislike them. That because I crave space, whether physically or emotionally, I am not welcoming of their presence. This is not true. I just like to tuck away from the thoughts and processes of others once I remove myself from the public.
I push and I pull in relationships. I expose my soul and emotions, only to suddenly revert back to being stoic. I recognize how this may confuse some. Very few people can make peace with my habit of separation. Many ask for explanations and I can never explain why, just that it is.
I just want silence at this very moment. Tomorrow may decide whether or not I will remain here at this school. So I am trying to think and clear my head. But his presence is disturbing me right now.